Adjusting… Slowly

Hello, everyone. I appreciate you visiting the site and reading my blog; seeing those pretty eyes again is good.

Happy New Month, first of all.

It’s been a month back at work, and honestly, it feels good to be working somewhere that is not toxic. I don’t think I realised how important that is until now. The environment is calm, people are respectful, and you actually feel appreciated. For example, for International Women’s Day our boss gave the women in the office Oríkì gift cards for spa treatments, massage, mani, pedi, and the whole soft life package. And there was even a small cash gift on top of it. I won’t lie, I enjoyed that one very much. Little things like that make work feel lighter.

Outside of work, though, life has been… interesting. A lot has happened in the background, and some of you already know parts of it. The whole situation with my ex, for example. I’m not going to unpack everything here because I’m not really in the business of dragging people publicly. But what I will say is that it taught me a lot about myself, about people, and about the things I should never ignore again. Sometimes when you care about someone, you overlook things you shouldn’t. You excuse certain behaviours. You convince yourself that maybe you’re overreacting or being too emotional. But looking back now, I can see certain red flags clearly. Things that I would never accept again. That experience forced me to grow emotionally in ways I didn’t plan for. It made me more aware of the kind of energy I allow around me and the kind of treatment I won’t tolerate anymore. And surprisingly, instead of reacting the way the old me would have, I’ve been handling things differently. No spiralling. No losing my top. No sitting inside my feelings for too long. I journal. I pray. I release it and move on. That reminder that your emotions don’t rule you? I’ve been practising it intentionally, and funny enough, it’s actually working. I still feel deeply; that part hasn’t changed. But I don’t let every emotion turn into a full reaction anymore. Even with people generally, I’ve relaxed a bit. I remind myself that everyone cannot be like me or see things from my exact point of view. Once you accept that, life becomes less stressful.

Socially, I’m also slowly stepping back out. I went out for the first time this year with a group of friends I met last year, and it was actually really nice. Just calm vibes, laughter, conversation. Nothing is forced. I’m also beginning to build new friendships and connections, and that part genuinely makes me happy. It feels good to meet people and just allow things to grow naturally.

Now let’s talk about something else. Your girl is also in the talking stage! Yes… I know some of the men reading this will see this part, but it is what it is. Coming back into the dating scene after being away for a while is honestly funny sometimes. Sometimes I’m just sitting there thinking, is this how you people have been operating here? Some things men say now irritate me quickly because my tolerance level has changed. I’m also much more aware of red flags now. Certain things that I might have ignored before, I pick up on almost immediately. Growth will do that to you. That being said, I’m taking my time. I’m not rushing into anything. I’m allowing things to unfold slowly so I don’t make any mistakes or enter another ditch again. Right now it’s just conversations, observing, and seeing who people really are.

Another funny part of all this is the attention. A lot of it now is very… body-focused. And I’m like, ‘Okay oo.’ Some of these people were not there when I was old Cheenaa and looking very different from how I look now. So sometimes I genuinely wonder, is this real interest or is it just vibes because they saw a girl with a big ass? I am still observing. But I can’t lie, I am enjoying the attention a little bit, okay, not a little though, hehe. Let me not pretend.

Even my small habits are changing. I used to play Candy Crush like it was a full-time job. Every spare second I was there. Now I barely even remember the game exists. Funny how life shifts and certain things just stop being priorities. Another thing that has changed is my savings life. These days I’m not joking about it at all. I’ve become a lot more intentional about money and planning ahead. Old Cheenaa would probably be surprised.

Spiritually, something deeper has also been happening. I can genuinely see God answering my prayers. Not in loud dramatic ways, but in subtle ways that make me sit down later and think about it properly, and I’m like, ‘Wow… this is God, oh.’ The Holy Spirit has been guiding me in certain decisions and situations, and sometimes when I replay things in my head later it even shocks me.

Even the last post did better than I expected. The views were actually not bad. Slowly but surely the blog is finding its people again. And I think I may have found someone who can help with the SEO side of things too, which I’m excited about.

Overall, I’m still adjusting. Still moving like a newborn baby in some areas of my life. Carefully learning how to exist in this slightly new version of myself. It’s taking time, but I can feel it. Old skin is slowly shedding. New skin slowly forming. Not a completely different person. Just… a wiser Cheenaa. And honestly? All in all, it’s good.

Thank you for reading this far. I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

It’s China Not Chinese ❤️🖤💜