Hello, everyone. I appreciate you visiting the site and reading my blog; seeing those pretty eyes again is good.
I did it again. I disappeared.
Well, I think it’s safe to say I had good reasons this time. I needed to breathe, find my flow again, and find my funk again. And it’s safe to say that I have found my funk and flow again. It took a lot of hard work and discipline, but I made it.
It took me a long while before I was even able to write this. I’m honestly losing my writing funk, and I struggled to gather my thoughts because it’s been so long. I think my last post was in March, and man, a lot has happened, but I’ll try my best to put it all together.
So, I don’t even know where to start from. Let’s start with work. Work has been amazing. It was a bit unbalancing for me, just coming back and finding my groove, but now I can say I surely have the hang of it all.
Now, speaking of personal life, let’s talk about the Adams in my life because omo, Lagos has not been smiling. Ugh! That has been one merry-go-round. I have realised that human beings only pay attention to you when you are doing well, or rather, they only want to associate with you when you’re doing well.
Like I mentioned in my last post, there is all this attention now because flesh is everywhere, not necessarily because they saw a pretty girl. Well, I am actually enjoying the attention while keeping the flesh to myself, lol. Because all these Lagos men, ehn! They would shock you beyond your imagination, and the ones I have encountered are no different.
Let me spill a bit.
There was one I met who came and was telling tales about how he owned boats, blah, blah. He wanted to repair his boats. He sha said he was into the speedboat business, all those people who rent boats for people to go to private beaches and whatnot.
Then, thinking about it, his lifestyle didn’t match the whole thing he was trying to prove. The house he claimed was his, he was never there. He was always at a friend’s house. I even think he came to pick me up in a borrowed friend’s car. Sigh! Lekki boys.
He actually did so much, calling me disrespectful and whatnot. Like, excuse me, do I know you?
The other one, I think, wanted to use me or rebound from his heartbreak. How do you meet me on the first day and ask me to be your girlfriend? Just like that? Lol. Months later, I saw him posted up back with his ex. Lol, abeg!
I realised all these men want is to get into your pants, and unfortunately, I’m the wrong candidate. But as I said, I love attention, and I’m enjoying it like mad.
Happy birthday in arrears to me, also! This year, I had the best birthday ever. And no, I would not be sharing my age because a lady does not tell her age. This was the best birthday I have ever had. It was amazing. God really showed up for me, and I’m honestly grateful to have Him. I love the way He loves me. I really do.
This year, I have grown a lot physically, mentally, and financially.
The physical part was crazy because I literally had to change my whole wardrobe. My clothes were no longer my size, and that was really the crazy part. But I’m happy about it in a good way because it has finally made me get a new set of clothes, which I have been looking forward to.
Though now, most people say I’m fat. I just think I have a belly. I’m not as big as they think, or rather, I’m very much comfortable with my weight, except for my tummy. Oh, my! My stomach has been the weapon fashioned against me, and that is mostly because I eat late at night and consume a lot of sugary foods as well.
I am honestly trying to change or even go to the gym, but mehn, how lazy I am. Sigh! But I’m not going to rush it. At the right time, it will all fall into place.
I may start going on walks with my sister just so I can incorporate some exercise and work my body a bit because I honestly hardly work out. Apart from the walk from Lekki Gate to my office and back, nah, I don’t think I do any other form of exercise. Please, don’t judge me.
God! Nah, my name is truly following me and working for me.
“CHINAGOZIM”, meaning God is still blessing me.
When I look back at where I was last year emotionally, mentally, and physically, and then look at myself now, all I can shout or say is, God is good!
He has been answering all my prayers and granting me all my heart’s desires. I honestly love how He loves me.Ever since I cut off my ex, I have regained my self-confidence. Lol. He was one of the people calling me fat and saying I’m not his spec. Like, nigga???
But since I closed that door, I have had peace and genuine happiness. I have found myself again. My finances are no longer shaking. I’m no longer always emptying my account trying to fix another man’s problems. I can shop freely now without thinking, “Oh, he might need the money.”
The financial part is so sweet. Being able to buy anything I want without having to ask my mum for help has to be the sweetest part of financial freedom. Not like I wasn’t making money before, but I was just investing it in a man instead of myself. And the man now… that’s a story for another day.
Lol. Speaking of shopping, TEMU!!!!!
That app! I need to uninstall it because now, once I’m bored or sad, I just open the Temu app, and boom! I’m shopping. Before you know it, I have checked out.
And honestly, I have never had a bad order on Temu.I just feel we Nigerians don’t like to read because once you read the description and check the measurements, there is no error. My shopping experience is a 10 out of 10.
My relationship with my mum and sister, on the other hand, has generally improved so much. In fact, I think because I am grown now and communicate better, things are all better overall, and I like that.
My mum sees me now as a grown woman, so going out and all that is no longer a problem or the issue we used to have in the past. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like we don’t fight, but now there is just better communication and respect for one another, and that’s what’s making it work.
My mood swings have also totally improved, although I don’t want to give all the credit to the medication I’m taking for my mood.
Yeah, I don’t think I ever shared that. A lot happened last year, but I got to speak to a therapist, or rather, a series of therapists and doctors, especially because of my mood and emotions, and I was prescribed mood stabilisers.
Honestly, apart from the medication, I have also been making a conscious effort not to worry myself about things that happen or things I can’t control.
Once I start thinking about something too much, I just say to myself, “God knows best. Let His will be done.”
There is this particular song that always comes to my mind: Trust in You by Anthony Brown. The lyrics go:
“You did not create me to worry,
You did not create me to fear,
But You created me to worship daily,
So I’mma leave it all right here.”
They resonate with me so much. Whenever I’m worried or fretting, I just start singing and remind myself what God created me for. And all in all, things are better.
Now, it’s not like I’m totally free from mood swings, but I just don’t let my emotions overcome me or my decisions anymore.
For someone who was struggling to write at the beginning, I’m sure doing a great job flowing and gisting now.
Let me also confess: I have not gotten around to doing my domain and all. But my friend just let me know while I was writing this that I could actually do it by myself. I thought about it, and I’m like, yeah, WordPress would actually allow me to buy a domain and do everything I wanted by myself.
So why was I waiting for a man, in this context, it’s general, to help me with something I could do on my own? i’m hoping, fingers crossed, that I get it done before the end of the year because it’s just funds now that I would say are holding me back. But it’s something I would look into doing instead of continuing to give myself excuses.
So, yeah, this is a bit of what’s been happening. But stay glued and subscribe because I am running in to give more juicy gist as it goes!
I disappeared, but I’m back. ❤️
Thank you for reading this far. I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
Its China not Chinese 💜🖤❤️
